Faithful Friends: The Sacred Ties of Heterosocial Friendship in the Early American Republic

In an era when friendship was, in one poet’s words, “this heav’nly boon, this joy, this bliss divine,” the sacred ties of friendship created unique bonds for pairs of friends of the opposite sex. For elite Americans in the Early Republic, ideas of the sacred often shaped friendships and kept cross-sex friendships within bounds that would not usurp marriages or gender norms.

Expressions of friendship frequently employed religious language, as one friend assured another that their friendship had both spiritual and earthly dimensions. For cross-sex friends, religious language was particularly beneficial because it would express friendship without the connotations of a romantic relationship that secular declarations of affection might carry. More broadly, particular practices of exchange between friends that might be characterized as the rituals of heterosocial friendship developed. From the formula for opening and closing a letter to the type of portrait they could exchange with each other, these rituals maintained the sticky boundary between friend and lover.

Finally, shared religious devotion provided men and women with a common ground removed from earthly passions—and weaknesses—upon which to form friendships. Women could befriend a minister and have deep spiritual, even affectionate, conversations without arousing suspicion. Women like Elizabeth Bayley Seton and Judith Sargent Murray, and men like William Ellery Channing, could share a romance with God through a friend of the other sex.

This paper will explore these varied sacred dimensions of cross-sex friendships using letters, material culture, friendship albums, advice manuals, and diaries. Engaging with scholarship on religion, gender and sexuality, and the culture of sensibility, I will offer an interpretation of the spiritual dimension of heterosocial friendships.